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Despondent · Dreams


It all heals with time...right?

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Mr. Goodboy aka Jeff has been very warm towards me lately.
Could this be my fault? Is it because I did not play tennis with him when he was stressed? Could it be because his pal Joey went back home? Or possibly that I have been spending time with Timothy Keane?

Either way, I can tell that he is not happy with me which actually breaks my heart.

Oh well, the Taking Back Sunday concert is on Saturday.
I want to crash at Jeff's place afterward not because it is fifty feet from the Seawall Center but because I think we need to talk.

Yes, we need to talk.

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Dear mom,

You almost make me want to be stupid so that you will love me more. I don't mean to make you feel dumb. Most parents are glad their child is good at math or something. You just get angry because you never made it that far. This is supposedly the part where I say that I'm not going to let you affect me or something to that extent.
But, the truth is, it does affect me. It affects me more then anything. To know that your parent, your mother, is constantly pissed off at you because you're semi smart is heart-wrenching. Absolutley heart-wrenching. I can't even talk to you about it, because then you switch the subject and say how you're proud of me and how you think I act superior around you.
First of all, what the fuck. I spend my nights studying physics and basically mentally killing myself so that I can get a C in a college level class. So that you will be even a little proud of me. When I was little you used to tell me that I was the smart one all the time. And now, I'm the too-smart one, the one who makes you feel dumb. I'm sorry, I just don't know what you expect of me.


I don't know what you want from me!

P.S. - You honestly make me want to kill myself, honestly. No person should have to deal with this situation.

- Jenny.
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Thursday Night.
Jeff calls me at about 11, we don't get off the phone until 2am.
Surprisingly I was more awake at school the next morning then I have been for a while.
It was a pleasant conversation until he pissed me off.
I can remember everything he says right down to the "the rule".
I can remember who all his friends are and their back stories when I have only met a couple of them.
He can't even remember that I got into Catholic.
He knew I was moving to DC though, so he does pay a little attention.
I can't really be mad because he felt really bad and kept apologizing.

I just don't think it's fair that he expects me to remember every tiny detail about him, and he fails to remember a life-changing event of mine.

I see the jerk-face tonight.

* * *
Everything seems a lot more real when you know the person lying on the coroner's table.
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I brought Jeff dinner today. Good shit.
So while he ate, we watched the NBA dunk competition and he explained basketball to me.
We left to get a case of Miller Lite and when we got back, it was just seconds before Bevetta,67, raced Barkley,44, (Barkley won but not by much). That was pretty amusing. Then we went over to Mike's place where D-Nice was. But, that was horrible. The dunk comp started and so did our beer pong game.

As true partners, Jeff and I won the first game. We were rocking it. I love having him as a partner.

We were all still watching the dunk comp though, so we only got halfway through the second game (we each had 3 cups left) when I got a call saying I needed to be home. Bullshit. So now I'm honme. And I want to sleep with Jeff.

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* * *
I forgot Brad was coming up this weekend.
I'd rather spend time with Jeff anyway.

But, I do want to see B-Rad.

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Dear Vegetables,
Now I know why brain dead people are named after you and not rocks. At least rocks don't taste like DESPAIR. You know why broccoli is shaped like a cartoon fart? Because it smells like something that came out of Andy Capp's ass.  Yeah, take a look at yourself, you poor excuse for nourishment. Look at an onion. It makes you cry! Then you have to put something else in your mouth after you eat it so your wife don't run away screaming! Stupid! Wheat grass?? Feet grass!!! Fuck you!!!!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWXUi8fOJA4

Watch, it only gets better.

* * *
I need to get out of this stupid township.

Pronto.

As of a couple weeks ago, I am officially D.C. bound.  Now, August can't seem to come fast enough.  

Get me out. Get me out. Get me out.
P-L-E-A-S-E.

Oh and to top it off, my parents are being ridiculous because they heard a rumor was going around that Tooch and I have a sex tape.  Nice, so now I'm under suspicion of being a lesbian.  You got to love the things I'm accused of.

Oh yes, I would also like to apologize to my parents for me not being a black-unwed-mother who just happens to be a midget who is a pro-athlete.  Because I can't find but maybe 4 scholarships that I'm actually eligible for.

- Jenny.

Current Mood:
stressed Ugh. I can't deal with this.
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Recap:

Right now I'm sitting here trying to avoid reality.
It's not working. My grandfather just went to the hospital.
He was fine until he went to Scoreboards, but I'm glad they called the ambulance.

On a different note, next week I go to the clinic or woman's hospital.
to be blunt about it: My buddy is getting an abortion.
Grrrreat, first one girl has a pregancy scare and now for another it's abortion time.
The most I can do is be there to support her in her decision.
I know it's most likely what I would be doing in the situation.

Yeah, this is not the kind of reality I want to deal with now or ever.

What happened to the sheltered world of which children come from?

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I logged on and saw that Steph's journal name was crossed out. Scrolling through my friend's page, there was a serious lack of Steph. This sucks.
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